Madam, you are looking very posh in your fancy dress, if I may say so.
Those earrings are a delight, darling and I love what you did with your hair.
You know, I bet the Ferengi have someone like Ea-Nasir and he's like. a saint or something
The people have spoken: What Crimes Has Locked This Poor Soul Away
You are Marlin, ship's cat and mascot of the tallship Lady Washington. It is the summer of 2021, you are about a year old, and full of Mischief.
Lady is docked in the Port of Everett, and no one is paying attention to you- never mind the fact that they're doing their jobs and getting money so they can keep pampering you. No, they're not paying attention to you Right This Instant, so you decide you want to take a little jaunt off the ship and explore on your own.
In addition to the marina, the waterfront, and all manner of other delights, the Port of Everett also has a Naval base, so you decide to check it out! See what all the fuss is about.
Of course, wandering kitties without the proper credentials aren't allowed on high security Naval bases, so when the Marines inevitably capture you and ask you where your people are and what you're doing here and how you got here, you just curl up cutely and bat your eyes and meow the most pitiful meow because these new people are paying attention to you but not the Right attention, no one's even petting you!
They call the number on your collar, which goes to the captain of Lady at the time, who... is on leave. In Florida.
"Ma'am? Is this your cat?"
"Oh god yeah where was he?"
"A high security government facility. Can you come pick him up?"
"Considering I'm on the other side of the country, no. Let me get in contact with the crew to send someone."
"Thank you. Also he's very cute."
"I know."
So the captain does just that, playing telephone while trying to find someone to go pick you up. Except by the time a viable crewmember is chosen and calls back to confirm, you've gotten bored and decided you want to leave.
So you clawed the Marine holding you and escaped.
You get a smidgen more exploring time before you're captured again and taken to your crew and back to the boat, but at this point no one is happy including you, because no one pet you the Whole Time you were off adventuring and that's a damn travesty.
And not only that, when you get back to the ship, you're locked up tight in the aft cabin because no one trusts you anymore not to wander off and break into government facilities when they're not looking, and then when the boat gets back to her homeport in Aberdeen, they do you just the WORST injustice and lock you inside there! For the whole winter! And then the following summer, because you are now a Criminal and Criminals don't sail.
Except this season, you made Big Pouty Eyes at everyone, and they caved and let you back on, so you are a very happy kitty now.
With a tracker in your collar so this doesn't happen again.
NON-tlt enjoyers, guess which one of these tlt facts i made up
the soul of earth is an autistic lesbian who loves dogs and eating pencils
jesus is a butch lesbian who loves dirty magazines and dick jokes
the soul of earth is also, separately, a dead hollywood hair barbie
the primary romantic leads have not looked each other in the eye in 2 books
one character has the stigmata. she uses this primarily for sex.
the main character's conception involved roughly 6 people, in 2 threesomes.
her biological parents were in different threesomes. they did not have sex.
god once constructed a giant barrier out of livestock. this is a running joke.
there is a scene where god and his saints fuck each other at the dinner table.
a main character is hunted for sport by a saint. god advises her to take a nap.
See Resultstlt fans spread this to your non-tlt followers but please do not vote. i genuinely want to see what people think the lie is.
birds have truly mastered feathers like what do you Mean they can be shiny. how fucking cool is that































